There is a fine line between being a preacher, and being a helper. The difference between a helper and a preacher is this: you’re a helper when assistance is warranted and a preacher when your assistance is not warranted. Now sometimes you may genuinely feel like this person may need your help, and then come to realize that you are sadly mistaken (or not really) but either way, your help was not wanted. Personally, I love people and I love helping people, but I also know that sometimes I need to get off my own soap box. I’m a very passionate person and sometimes I get carried away trying to help someone, that instead I end up preaching and advising them when they didn’t even ask for it. For the most part your friends and family will be able to brush it off because they know you mean well, and that you’re just trying to help. However, if they really want to help you, they need to let you know what you’re doing to them! Because I have been on the receiving end of the preaching/unwanted advising LOL and it can be so stressful, upsetting, and overwhelming, and your intention is to help this person right? So I know you don’t mean to upset anyone, but you need to know when to give advice and when you to just LISTEN!
This is a work in progress for me! I am a TERRIBLE listener sometimes… I literally don’t pay attention to a lot of things going on around me a lot of the time LOL if you know me well at all, you’ll know that sometimes I literally act as if I’m in my own little world doing my own thing and absolutely nothing else matters. This is a blessing and a curse haha Don’t get me wrong! It’s not that I am not capable of being a good friend or listener, it’s just that sometimes I’m hearing what the person is saying instead of listening to what they are saying… This is because I’m already getting ready with my response while they’re talking. I assumed that I know the answer, so I stop listening and I start advising. This is obviously very annoying! Honestly, I think my whole family does this to one another to some degree, some of us more than others but we all want to help and we all care so much that we think we know how to do it best instead of listening to what the person actually needs.
I guess what I’m saying is, is that I am the worst listener with the people I am most comfortable with. However, these are also the people who I want to help the most! If you’re passionate about someone you will try to do anything possible for them, but sometimes the best possible thing you can do for someone is to let them make their own mistakes and be there to support them and/or pick them up after. Also, if you’re passionate about something like I am about fitness and nutrition, you want the whole world to know how important it is. But really, not everyone cares to know this… This is something that I have come to learn myself, and I still remind myself of, because sometimes I do forget LOL
In short, this message goes out to all the passionate people out there who want to help the world, you can only help those who want to be helped, and are willing to help themselves. Before you try to “help” ALWAYS make sure you are asking the person first what it is they’re doing? What are they trying to accomplish? If you don’t know what they’re doing? and why they are doing it? Then how the hell are you supposed to help them?!?! Don’t judge and assume that you know what they need if you never asked first LOL It’s rude, annoying, and it can come off very condescending… and if they needed help, well they definitely don’t want it from you LOL So make sure you check yourself before giving someone advice and LISTEN to the person. They may actually not need your help, and now you understand them a little bit better. Or, if they do need help, you actually know how you can help them, instead of giving someone tips and advice about something they never asked you for…
Alex Rinaldo 